memories in the rain
by little-me-whatever
Summary: I had held onto him for so long I had forgotten the real reason that I came here. I wanted to see him so badly I told myself that he was alive, that he was going to come back to me one day. -- ichixruki one shot


Memories in the Rain

The world around me seemed to wait while I sat there, holding its breath in anticipation. But it never got to let that breath out. I sat there time after time, just waiting. I used to be so sure of what I was waiting for, but now, now it just seems like I'm waiting for a ghost. Each day it got harder and harder to go there, knowing that when I step out the gate and begin my journey down the long darkened alley to the exit I had to face reality. Inside that garden I got to pretend for just an hour, I got to imagine that there is still that little bit of hope. But each time I walked down the alley and back into reality it got harder and harder to keep hold of that hope. It gets drowned and destroyed in my reality, and I found it harder to bring it back time after time.

The sky is darkened now. Gathered clouds of a storm lay heavy above me. I gazed up to the sky and watched as a flock of birds glided across the sky, they look like angels, I watched as the trees and grass surrounding me began to wave around dancing in the wind almost whispering secrets to each other. I glance down at the ring on my hand, glistening. Things seemed so magical here, like anything can happen, anything but the one thing I want to.

Lately I had seen his face everywhere I go. His gentle coffee eyes not scared with the dangers of his life, his smooth warm protective hands holding onto mine, and then just like that he is gone again. I still hear his voice calling out to me in the darkness. I remember the first words he said to me, the first words he said with any emotion.

"Gimme' that sword shinigami"… Those words, so full of hope and strength.

I sighed and wrapped my rode around me tighter. The night's air was coming faster, it was getting darker sooner, and the cold wind was fierce and unforgivable. My heart longed to see his face again, and to hear his voice calling my name, but it fades like the wind. I watched as little droplets of rain began to fall from the sky and land in the fountain pool. I watched as the ripples of water spread further, until the rain began to pour so hard and so fast I could no longer see the ripples, just a blur of rain and sadness.

I rose to my feet. I felt like all my strength was gone; everything that I had held dear, to keep me going was slowly slipping through my hands. Was I holding onto something that would never happen? Was all this anger and pain swelling up inside of me because he wasn't here, or because slowly I was realizing that he wasn't going to be here, ever? I used to see him as my light in the darkness, but the darkness was getting so much more frightening and real, and the light was slowly dying, leaving me alone, like I was all those years ago.

I had held onto him for so long I had forgotten the real reason that I came here. I wanted to see him so badly I told myself that he was alive, that he was going to come back to me one day. But as I sat there again, alone and cold waiting for someone that never appeared I knew he wasn't coming, I knew it was time to let go.

I remember when I was scared in the dark he would be there, grimacing to himself; god only knows what he was thinking about. I glanced down at the letter in my hand. The rain had smudged the ink and it all ran into one big messy puddle on the soggy paper. I shook my head and tried to fight back tears, but slowly they began to run down my cheeks mixing in with the rain, and finally gathering in my hands.

Slowly I took a step forward. I looked around the empty court wishing now more than ever that I would see him again; standing in the corner smiling at me with his smug I know it all grin. But the court was empty and so was I. I took one last look at the picture that I had held onto for so long and let it slide out of my hand and over the rails. It floated for a couple of seconds, before finally sinking slowly into the darkness of the trees and out of sight. He was gone I had to let go. It was time. After weeks of holding on and pretending that he was just around the corner I had to let go.

So for the last time I began to make my way through the dark alley and out into the cold harsh reality. I took one last look, and shut the gate. Tears began to flow down my cheeks once again, and as I walked away. I was sure I could hear him whispering goodbye through the rain. I didn't even turn to see if it was my imagination or not. I just kept on walking, one foot in front of the other. Never once looking back.

I stopped and looked up at the door in front of me. I was home. Something didn't feel right. The same brass doorknocker screwed wonky, the same worn door knob, the same brass letterbox, but not the same feeling.

I pulled my key out of my pocket and unlocked the door. The sound of the lock unbolting echoed through me, it brought back so many memories, so much happiness, which now felt like pain and sadness.

I looked towards the floor. For a split second I could feel him, reaching out for me through the darkness. Holding me in a sweet embrace. I should know now, hope like that should not exist. I could still feel his auburn hair, his enticing fragrance suffocating me to the point I know he's still here.

I felt tears start to run down my face. Acid like as they fall. "Why him?" I asked quietly. No one answered. I wanted to go back. Back to the place I met him. I couldn't move my muscles; I was frozen inside this place with no one to help me. I felt so cold, so alone. No one could help me, not with what I saw. I felt joyless inside. Like no emotion ran through me. One by one, my feet begin to drag themselves up the stairs, my arms stretched out using the timber banister for support.

My heart starts aching. I lay down on the bed, physically anyway, my mind is, I don't know where. "I miss my strawberry," I mutter. " I miss him".

I hear the creaking of footsteps on the polished floors, the slow quiet beating echoing through my head.

"He misses you too" I hear a reply. I know it's not him though. The one person I want most in the world. The slight tension of the springs below me increase, someone sitting beside me, slowly, gently stroking my hair. After what felt like hours, I finally mumble, "why did you leave me?" vaguely surprised by the kindness in her own voice.

"I didn't" a simple reply came which then caught her off guard. My eyes widened. As I slowly arch my back to sit upright, I wince at the pain of hitting my head against the wall behind me. Hazel slowly meets violet. The breath I've been holding in all this time is finally let go. Tears still rolling down my face like before. Quietly muttering things to myself I don't even understand. The words just tumble out.

"I told you to wait for me, didn't I?" and with that my arms throw themselves around his neck, catching him off guard, then holding me in that sweet embrace I've been wishing for, hoping for, for so long, while the rain and darkness cease to exist.


End file.
